So, we’d be waiting for the bus and she will draw a group of her like- minded consorts to her, and from where i was standing will hear remarks like makeup – then eyes will dart towards me- i was wearing make up only lipstick mostly and usually anyways,
a colored person- so very much me,
anything about me that’d be turned into a sense of mockery was exploited and used to tatters.
In the bus it was deemed inappropriate or a taboo to sit with me, boys from her country and girls just sneered and looked at me askance like a dirty undeserving creature, enough dirty looks and talking that’d of course paint the unwelcome picture vividly.
I dint let that faze me, i sat anywhere my heart felt content, in the end the one who felt their skin crawled by my close proximity moved anyways to find balm in seats where i wasn’t a seatmate.
The loud annoying music played in the bus by them, listening to content and what have you, with full volume while all i could think of was a nap and some quiet.
Not only that, the incessant overly loud continuous talking that never ceased without pause, was grating my eardrums to bleed out.
You guessed who was the ring leader and the center of all that action- Muna.
Let me mention here that she is and all other of my colleagues 10years or more younger than me, they behaved abhorrably and jubilated when they realized their antics were getting to me,
if my eyes snapped open from a jolted nap, if someone moved from my seat, was a cause of laughter and mini celebration with loud, very loud talks with eyes and necks turned towards me for emphasis incase i dint get that i was the center of the aggravating yapping talks.
There was this unholy silly running after and being the one to sit at the front seats of the bus, literal fighting, squeezing, pushing, clamoring, elbows out and an exertion of sheer force to just get through the narrow door of the bus with others crowding before and behind you, aiming for the same, a pathetic bottleneck scene.
I had decided to never engage in this silly clamor but at the end i was left standing in the bus or having to use an unusually meek humble voice to ask one to scoot over so i can squeeze in to the in-between spaces of seats, and very most likely i ended up with an unassuming glare without a response and a face turned away or just stone-cold unresponsive characters.
Well if this was what i was supposed to do to secure a place at the bus, then am not one to back down from such a fight, other unnecessary ones i’d bow out of, for this sake, i decided i will also be among the fray of others who fought for first place.
When the likes of Muna saw i couldn’t be beaten on this, they also thought i’d be inclined to rush out of the bus too when we reached our destination, nope, that was a big no.
I wasn’t in a hurry to disembark but that dint mean i was just seated until everyone alighted, when it was appropriate i did too and made a fast walk towards our living quarters, this was also a silly game of who will be the first and fast one.
What just really gets to me is the vehemence with which the hate was directed towards me, for no real apparent justifiable reason except for the sake of it and because they could get away with it.
Am not here trying to paint a pity pitiful party of myself but i just wanted to get this out of my system as its been bothering me for a long while watching someone recharge off adult bullying.
Now this is a nice term to describe what was really going on but no physical contact was made of the kind to cause physical harm. But the mental, psychological hurt was deep and leaves permanent scars hard to ignore as they gnaw and chip at my conscious.
Its not easy to work among and with people who delight in seeing you miserable,
hurt,
unsettled,
pained,
feeling alienated,
discriminated,
unwelcome,
like something is broken with you,
feeling odd,
left out,
jeered at,
singled out,
criticized,
looked at with scorn,
painted black.
This isn’t to say am the only coloured person here, we’re quite a number but am the only one who is handed over the brunt edge of the stick.
This isn’t something to counter with being abrasive, aggressive, argumentative, lashing out, talking back and fighting each time they goad me,
i cherish my peace and quiet and i just wouldn’t be drawn in into petty nonsense each time the compass points west or when humans decide am their easy soft target for scorns.
I’ll wear myself thin and frail trying to match immature behaviors that will sap out my energy and make me look as crazed as them.
And the sad reality is that there will always be Munas of this world, in one form or the other, and when one exits she is replaced sometimes by 3 or double her likeness.
So instead of jubilating am not in the proximity of that “Muna”i steady myself knowing that the war isn’t over yet and far from it,
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