I am here sitting by myself and just baffled as to what am just deducing from a situation that’s left me agape,
speechless,
dumbfounded,
beyond surprisingly shocked,
shaken to my core, and
painfully flabbergasted beyond measure.
I firstly heard from my roommate that my supervisor, who also happens to be the area/site manager, told her am at work–
meaning actively working within a location,
oh, and that am “just awaiting the results of her medical exam”,
the said medical exam i just did the previous day and before that av been not actively working in any location nor site,
but she threw about a location’s name which my roommate dint get that, thats my permanent location,
and am just awaiting the 2 days medical results so i can resume and continue the said location’s work.
I just laughed and brushed it off as a statement one makes to get one off their hair,
like nah!
“she’s just joking for real, we both know am out here without a location”,
but
like, “why’d she say that, when obviously am here, never stepped foot in any location to work?”
” hahaha”,
“that’s my ghost been working?”
“or this is my ghost here not working?”
That laughter came to haunt me
the very next day
when another supervisor told me, the same supervisor had told him that am actively working,
since he’d confirmed from me first that indeed am not deployed, and in need of a location,
and when he followed protocol to ask about my working status and inform her he will be adding me to a site,
she enthusiastically, vehemently and excitedly insisted that am deployed actively.
This is where i kind of was splashed with ice water on my face, and awakened to a bitter clarity,
and unbelievable numbness settled in as to what exactly i was up against,
the realization that this has crossed any polite normal acceptable explanations,
to an odd, vicious, malicious intent,
and the cold cold “why”.
The hot anger and aggrieved aggression i felt stabbed my heart through and stayed lodged, burning with inflamed intensity.
The lying lady spinning lies about my work status is in cahoot with her sister in the same, albeit slightly different position
and both backed each other up, in affirming the same thing line by line.
The betrayal stung and boiled to an all time intensity.
I was hurt beyond measure,
gravely insulted by the sheer confidence with which they could blatantly decide to say such untruths without batting an eyelid in the face of something so serious as my livelihood.
what’s the gain from this?
what do they stand to gain from me not being employed?
why would they lie like that?
what wrong did i ever do to deserve such treatment?
is it that am too trusting, meek, obedient, non confrontational?
Because i trusted her completely when she told me she had my best interests at heart,
i trusted naively like an ignorant inexperienced baby, when she assured us of a location very soon
and that we just needed to be a little more patient.
I practiced calm patience and empathized with the worries she had to undergo for our sake, to gain our assured placement in a location as soon as possible.
I just assumed, “well she’s planning all she is and when the time is right, she sure will place us where we deserve rightly”.
Not knowing i was trusting a dangerous poisonous snake,
a back stabber,
a dagger holder
who had completely no regard about my well-being and couldn’t care less about my financial situation.
She couldn’t be bothered at all that am hurting and it’s costing me immense mental torture due to the situation at hand of my joblessness.
She actually laughed and smiled behind my back, jubilating and finding joy out of my discomfort and helpless situation.
She went around brazenly spreading lies and rumours and filling the minds and hearts of others with discord about my situation,
my enemy of progress in every sense of the word,
making it seem like i could be the one lying about my condition while she put a stopper on my breakthrough and discouraged all avenues of help steered towards me.
Any helping hand spread towards me she thwarted with lies,
all efforts to alleviate my misery was met with her and her wicked sister blocking access.
What pains me immeasurably is that the supervisor who alerted me to this case,
of me sleeping with a snake and cohabiting with the strangler of my progress, snuffer of my dreams,
is that,
i had been offered an immediate placement, but that, she had categorically and dismissively informed him that no,
there wasn’t a need,
a need for me to have a location
and went ahead to affirm that yes i am actively engaged in a location!
What kind of wicked, nasty, devilishness and witchcraft is that!
Apart from that,
the two evil sisters tried to recruit the security around here to back up their lie,
luckily she let the cat out of the box without the two musketeers having yet corrupted her mind with falsehoods attached to my name.
Am just floored by all this episode and left reeling with unbelief,
like seriously why would one do that to another human?
just why?
Am her junior, actually very junior to her, it’s not like we are fighting for a position or am gonna usurp her position or even threaten her leadership in any way,
but it seems someone is hell bent on keeping me in need, needy, dependent on her crumbs that aren’t materializing anyways and expecting, actually banking on my ignorance and naivety to continue telling me to bury my head in the sand.
It’s a harsh wake up call for me,
to be faced with this like a flood of light in my easily gullible, impressionable, believing idiotic self.
I will now take charge of my life,
escalate this issue as far and wide as possible and then find an exit from here,
i actually wanted an exit but with a half heart, not realizing my indecisive holding back will cost me immeasurable, disquieting, searing pains,
now am all in and will stop at nothing to get what i need,
the sting is just fresh,
yesterday’s betrayal that throbs, pulsating with every breath as a reminder.
I have learned my bitter lesson of trusting easily and banking all my hopes with someone, who has unbelievably selfish personal reasons, who’ll stop at nothing to run me over and bury me alive.
A jealous individual is her sister, a self-proclaimed camp boss with nothing to gain but a satisfaction of seeing me in need and undergoing suffering,
who delights to always point out my joblessness and make it a mockery and good story telling content,
using my perceived idleness as a vantage point to order me around into doing her silly biddings and inform those not in the know about my misery,
to compound my feeling of helpless hopelessness,
to shame me by bringing on onlookers who’ll side with her and marvel at my desperateness,
making my enemies jubilate
playing into making me feel worthless, pathetic, broken, weird, odd, cursed, incompatible, a loser,
exalting in pointing out my lack, as a reason at least to be a maid of others and to jump when she coughs and snap to attention whenever our paths crossed,
looking perpetually miserable and dejected so she can have a party and a good night’s sleep.
All i did was believe, see what it has cost me,
i just wanted so bad to be agreeable and understanding while “she worked and smoothed out everything to my advantage”,
how silly i was.
I usually never want to ruffle feathers, nor cause ripples but now i better cause storms and rattle bricks because someone has no inhibition towards lying on my name and blocking future positive prospectives from reaching me,
they’re content
their positions are secured while am left to rot in the unmarked grave of false assumptions fed as truths to all who could have lit a candle on my path.
It’s so wickedly vicious!
so despicably disgusting!
Am so annoyed
am so mad, its burning away my sleep and peace, the thoughts rushing through my mind and the sting of disbelief still ringing loud in my ears is hard to ignore.
Indeed being nice is a cliche -the best people died a sad death like me and were never mentioned nor remembered as meekness and obedience was never really an asset but a playground of emotions orchestrated to keep one in an ignorant box, stifling and snuffing out dreams and hopes and building lies on top of them.
Its by chance luck am now informed, otherwise i’d be happily existing in my happy bubble of hopes that were never really gonna materialize,
a cocoon of made belief.
And i should also take the blame for some of the misfortune as i was never persistently nor occasionally inquisitive, only banking on contented belief and assured hopes, viewing confrontation as aggressive and questioning as impatience.
I should have actively asserted myself as very serious and aware about an inkling of her untoward uncaring attitude or the negative results of the so called unmaterialized project that seemed to just drag on and on for no apparent reason, surfacing with unmet requirements that just ate up time, with no follow ups.
It’s also a good reason they banked on my don’t care attitude of not nagging nor following up, as very meek and an agreeable nondramatic person who is just lying there while they walked all over me, with lies already painted about and over me.
I literally gave them permission and a go ahead to keep treating me with impunity while i called it being patient and not wanting to seem impatient,
misunderstanding or
disagreeeable.
My “good” self has cost me and its time i just decide to be ruthlessly crude, take the bull by the horns and just cause any hell i can muster and if i burn down the room while in it so be it.
Am also justifiably angry with myself, and should face consequences for bringing this upon me
i don’t believe in my life av felt such betrayal at such a personalized level
that a trusted supervisor together with her assistant will join hands in such a wicked pact,
making an alliance to smear lies with my name and confidently lie about a sensitive situation like this and insist on the lie being the truth while i’d been so blind folded without a hint towards their wicked hearts and minds, without a bother to my well-being and future or impact it’d have on me.
Am reeling from the realization that you really can never know people and their true intentions, they might seem cordial or helpful but they don’t ever want to see your progress, and any helpful ladder lowered towards you they’ll easily break it, divert its direction and say you are ok while they already dug your grave and are shoveling sand on top of your live self.
Then what even unsettles me is the fact that my roommate just came from vacation two days ago, the very same supervisors who claim scarcity of locations already reached out to her and gave her a location, while am passed over, left here seating in expectation just like that.
may God be my witness and avenger.
Leave a Reply