What does being content mean to me?
to you?
add in the very real factor of being alone too
not lonely just loving the peace, quiet and solitude of myself.
Am soo quiet that sometimes i wonder if anyone ever lives like i do.
I dont have music playing, i dont sing to myself, am just silent.
Now that could be alarming to some, like could i be suffering from something, am i extremely introverted? don’t i like to socialize at all?
dont i want a companion to keep me company? or a pet or a relative?
no, to all counts.
Actually i enjoy this kind of living, until i realize i don’t talk unless am going out to shop or i meet my neighbors whom i don’t really need to talk to as we usually avoid each other politely as each minds their business, though there are those that i do say hi to and end of story, if the weather or some occurrence popped up we’d briefly discuss it, share opinions and go our separate ways and that’s that.
I don’t mourn, a “what if” or feel a loss.
I actually admire the freedom that comes with being able to just do whatever in my silence and mostly it encompasses reading or writing, research and tada!
Oh! Lest i forget i do listen to some favorite subscribed you tube channels and a few songs that give me nostalgia and take me back when, otherwise that sums up my entire life.
Is it productive? I think yeah
Is it healthy?yes
Am i loosing my mind? Not at all.
The only problem is when am supposed to speak with someone and engage in long discussions, sometimes i forget how to express myself and simple words take flight, the classic case of having perfect conversations in my head and writing ok, but use grade 3 English in my conversations.
is that a negative detrimental outcome?not rellay
since those who freely socialize do face the same problems as i noticed
so yeah!
my yummy world!
Someone asked me a question the other day, what’s your unique talent?
I dint bat an eyelid i juts answered writing
Is that considered a talent? i dont really know as most people can write, talent or no, but given a blank page, i can easily come up with stuff, and fill it
the only problem is, is anyone out there interested or ever gonna read it?
I choose to stop pummeling myself with such defeating pitiful thoughts and just write and publish,
maybe one day or never
i just know i want to write,
write what?
whatever.
Just anything that crosses my mind will do just fine,
add the spice of deep reflections,
life’s journeys and experiences,
fiction and you got something at least.
There is a time i was labeled as stressed or depressed due to the fact that i kept to myself,
was mostly silent,
and engrossed in myself.
Some also consider me weird and tried to avoid me as much as possible,
works just fine for me,
one or more other people am relieved from socializing with,
what a blessing!
Others make an effort to exclude me from their circle,
and make me feel isolated even when required to be a group or unfortunately mingling is expected,
they go to great lengths to make me feel odd,
make me stand out as awkward and saturate the air with the “unwanted here” or
“not welcome, don’t try to join us” atmospheric conditions.
I just wonder sometimes at the sheer lengths and energy expounded for such a petty endeavor just to make me pity myself or question my normalness,
which works pretty well becaue such attention draws others of small minded characteristics
or just because they don’t want to seem like they’re opposing or taking a stand against the majority,
so instead of taking an individual stance they prefer to just go with the flow even if their conscious pricks them or they aren’t really supportive of the idea.
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